David Behrens, Mindfulness & Meditation Expert
Happiness is often thought of as something that happens to us. A moment of joy, a stroke of luck, a fleeting emotion. But what if happiness is something we can shape? The International Day of Happiness reminds us that happiness is not just a feeling but a practice influenced by a myriad of things; perhaps most notably mindset, self-talk, and daily habits.
When we reflect on happiness, we realise it isn’t just a thought. Instead, it’s something we experience. It flows through both mind and body – an interplay of openness, ease, and energy. This is evidenced when you ask someone: ‘How do you experience happiness?’ They will likely gesture with their hands, as if holding something real. This is because happiness is felt, not just thought about.
Science supports this. Research into neuroplasticity shows that the brain can rewire itself through repeated thoughts and behaviours¹, reinforcing patterns of emotional wellbeing. When we learn to gently guide our thoughts – rather than control them – happiness becomes more than just a fleeting moment. It becomes something we cultivate, one mindful breath at a time.
Mindfulness – how presence shapes our emotional state
The mind is always moving. We jump between past regrets, future worries, endless to-do lists, our hopes, dreams, and fears. Rarely does it settle in the present. Yet, this is where peace exists. Mindfulness is not about emptying the mind but gently guiding it, much like steering a boat through shifting currents. It is an active practice of awareness, where we notice our thoughts without becoming tangled in them.
Science shows that mindfulness for mental health improves emotional regulation, reducing stress and strengthening the brain’s ability to manage emotions. Studies reveal that mindfulness-based interventions can decrease activity in the amygdala – the brain’s fear centre – while enhancing the prefrontal cortex, the region responsible for rational thinking and self-control.
At its core, mindfulness is a bridge between the mind and body. The breath, ever-present yet often overlooked, becomes an anchor. A simple shift – softening the inhale, lengthening the exhale – can quiet the nervous system. Even small acts, like adjusting posture or focusing on relaxing the inner body, can ground us in the now.
Many people find that mindfulness helps them regain control over runaway thoughts:
“[The course] really highlighted how busy my mind can be and has taught the practices to cope with this. I feel like I no longer panic when there are lots of different things going on in my mind. I am more able to let my thoughts go and effectively ‘park’ them until I need to deal with them, if I need to deal with them at all.”
Mindfulness is not a standalone practice; it is woven into gratitude and self-talk. When we pause to acknowledge what we are grateful for, we are being mindful. When we shift our inner dialogue to something more compassionate, we are engaging in mindful awareness. These practices do not exist in isolation. They reinforce each other, shaping the way we experience happiness and emotional resilience.
The power of gratitude
Gratitude is more than saying “thank you.” It is a shift in perspective, a practice of consciously directing the mind toward what is present rather than what is missing. And like any practice, the more we cultivate it, the more natural it becomes.
Neuroscience reveals that gratitude and wellbeing are deeply connected. Expressing gratitude can increase dopamine and serotonin², the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals, reinforcing a cycle of positivity. Studies show that people who engage in regular gratitude practices experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression³ – not always because their circumstances change, but because their perception does.
Cultivating gratitude does not require grand gestures – small, simple practices can create a shift:
“Each week the discussions on the various topics of mindfulness have further reinforced my understanding of the importance of a healthy mind. The practices, such as being aware of one’s breath, have been extremely useful when wanting to clear the mind of past worries and future anxieties.”
Gratitude is a higher emotion, an extension of mindfulness for mental health. It is not just a thought but an embodied experience that is felt in warmth, in openness, in a deep sense of appreciation.
Self-talk. How to rewrite your internal narrative
Whether we realise it or not, we are always speaking to ourselves. The silent, unwavering dialogue that runs through our minds shapes how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. Self-talk is a powerful force that influences our mental health mindset, resilience, and emotional state.
The first step in reshaping self-talk is awareness. One must learn to notice the voice inside without immediately reacting to it. Often, we are deeply entangled in our thoughts, taking them as absolute truth rather than seeing them for what they are – events that simply pass us by.
Reframing negative self-talk is not about replacing every difficult thought with forced positivity. Instead, it is about shifting language to be both true and positive:
“The thoughts of my illness … are haphazard and convoluted and complicated concoctions of fears and anxieties, and so the ability to say to myself, I’m not going to think that because it’s not true, and pass on to the next thought, really does free me… it set me free.”
Practical tools such as affirmations, visualisations, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques help guide the mind towards a more supportive, empowering inner dialogue. But ultimately, the goal is not just to fill the mind with more thoughts. Not even positive ones. Instead, our goal is to create space for stillness. A quieter mind allows for more clarity, presence, and room for self-compassion. The less we fight with our thoughts, the more naturally we can shift towards mental wellbeing, where the positive can rise and settle in effortlessly.
Is happiness a choice? The balance between effort and acceptance
Happiness is a complex, deeply personal experience. It is not a constant state, nor is it something we can simply will into existence. Research suggests that happiness is not solely determined by external circumstances⁴. It is also shaped by mindset, behaviour, and daily habits.
But what does this mean in practice? Can we truly choose happiness?
To an extent, yes. Just as we strengthen muscles through repeated movement, we can cultivate happiness by guiding our thoughts, engaging in meaningful actions, and developing self-awareness. However, this is not about forcing positivity or denying difficult emotions. True happiness cultivation requires both effort and acceptance; the willingness to shape our perspective while also allowing space for all emotions to exist.
Mindfulness teaches us that happiness is not about controlling every emotion, but about learning to guide our mind toward balance:
“[I] Have been able to be more objective. [I have] Become much better at guiding my thoughts where I want them, or perhaps away from where I don’t want them.”
For those living with conditions such as depression or anxiety, the idea of happiness as a choice can feel dismissive. It is important to acknowledge that mental health challenges can make emotional shifts more complex. But small, sustainable happiness practices – such as mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion – offer ways to create gradual change. I hope you can begin to see that happiness is about learning to navigate it with presence, understanding, and a sense of possibility.
Cultivating a mindset of growth and wellbeing
Happiness is not a destination, nor is it a fleeting emotion reserved for perfect moments. It is something we build – moment by moment – through awareness, intention, and practice. Mindfulness, gratitude, and self-talk are not just tools; they are ways of being. Gentle guides that help us shape our inner world, no matter what challenges arise.
The path to emotional resilience is not about suppressing discomfort or forcing positivity. It is about learning to sit with what is, while also nurturing what could be. It is about recognising that small shifts in thought, breath, and perspective can create profound ripples in how we experience life.
For those supporting others on their mental health journey, whether as professionals or loved ones, these insights serve as a reminder. Wellbeing is a practice, not a prescription. And in that practice, we find not just happiness, but a deeper connection to ourselves and the world around us.
